Gloria Masters Podcast Interview
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Kristi: [00:00:00] Hello everyone and welcome to the 2024 season of the CAPE podcast. I took Operation out of the name because the podcast was getting a bit difficult to introduce every time saying Operation CAPE podcast, but CAPE standing for Child Abuse Prevention and Education podcast. As you know, I'm Christy and I'm with the wonderful Gloria Masters today.
Over the ditch, as we like to say in New Zealand, um, Gloria and I met through, uh, a webinar series or a webinar that I attended last year. We didn't actually meet in that webinar, but I became aware of Gloria through that webinar, which was, , sibling sexual abuse. And Gloria was talking about her, , foundation, handing the shame back and sharing information about, you know, the resources and.
And basically what she does in that and I'm going to get her to introduce herself and share a lot about that in a minute, but I just wanted to also mention content morning because we are here to talk about child sexual abuse [00:01:00] and to provide awareness and education around this type of abuse and therefore, sometimes it can be really triggering and I'm sure today is no exception to that.
And. Before I get on, I just wanted to thank you very much for continuing to follow the Cape podcast because last year was a really interesting year in that I started the podcast first and I've had So many downloads and so many great guests, and I'm really looking forward to the new season of 2024, but thank you very much for being here, Gloria.
Um, Gloria, tell us a little bit about, , or tell us about you and how you got into your organization, Handing the Shame Back, and why you started the foundation. Thanks,
Gloria: Christy. Lovely to see you again. Um, so yeah, look, the, uh, starting it all, of course, is my lived experience. So, unfortunately, I was born into a family where [00:02:00] child sex trafficking was the norm, and I was trafficked for 16 years.
Uh, so on my 16th birthday, That stopped, but the horror of that, uh, still knocks on the door today and understandably. But what it did over time, well, that was at the hands of my father and my grandmother was the one who was paid commission to train me in the art of seduction. So I, uh, was. a very, very traumatized girl and teenager, and I was leased to gangs.
I was, leased out of a nightclub as an 11 year old, between 11 and 16, up in their top floor, chained to a bed. I star in over a hundred child sexual abuse materialism videos. [00:03:00] Images out there, the police tell me there, they landed in the States. , I am very lucky to be alive and I don't understate that.
So if we put all that together, uh, the miracle being that I've done enough healing and Being able to emerge through this, finally, uh, able to give back, and it's with deep compassion and love for other beautiful survivors that I can do so. So, Handing the Shame Back is a foundation I set up about 18 months ago.
Uh, there's a, we're a registered charity here in New Zealand. We don't actually get any funding, um, and that's no surprise. The content is difficult, there isn't really, um, an appetite for people to do anything about the high statistics in our [00:04:00] country. And so it's, it's kind of left to people like me, uh, to try and do some advocacy and try and bring some resources.
It's to our amazing survivor community, as well as advocacy and prevention techniques for children, for parents around their children and teachers as well. So that's, that's kind of me. Oh, apart from that, I've written three books, the latest one just being published.
Kristi: Oh, just, you know, just written three books on top of all of that.
Wow. I know that, , Gloria, just the sheer strength it takes to heal from such trauma and such abuse. I mean, most people in this world will never ever understand what you
Gloria: went through as a child. They will never ever understand and, and that's okay because I, I don't need [00:05:00] people to, but what I do know, it's Survivors who have lived experience that are sometimes able to offer a bit more than, um, than professionals who do their very best.
Don't get me wrong. But I'm grateful, Christy, because I'm a parent. I am an ex shrink, if you like, and I'm also an ex teacher. So, My, uh, latest book called keeping kids safe, um, is written from four, those four aspects of my life. It's already won an award, which is very exciting for me. That is
Kristi: super exciting.
And you can give so much, uh, Validation and you can give so much experience to parents and to, and to teachers and to people in this space, because like you said, Survivors have a lot to offer in helping other people understand. Exactly what happens, what, how it happens, what's going on, [00:06:00] um, yeah. Wow, Gloria, like you've just blown my socks off this morning.
I, I kind of knew a little bit about that before we talked, but I didn't realise that it was so long, like you, you went through so much in such a, like your short childhood. Short childhood is very short,
Gloria: but that's a lot to go through. To be fair, I didn't have one. No. That was taken from me. What I did have and, and, uh, people that know me, uh, well will tell you this, I'm more the child now than I ever could have been back then.
So again, very grateful to be here and, uh, unbelievable that I survived, um, cause there were a lot of. Horrific things that occurred and I, the great news is I survived and I'm here to help serve and help bring compassion and [00:07:00] humility to all those beautiful souls out there who have equally suffered.
Kristi: Yeah.
So how did, so you said that at 16, it ended for you at 16. How did that come about and what's your journey been from 16 to now? Yeah.
Gloria: Okay, so it ended because at the age of 16, I never had to, my parents had separated by then and I never had to see my father again. So I never did.
Kristi: So then, so then that was sort of your, I guess it's kind of like being, um, what's the word I'm looking for, your liberation, you were liberated
Gloria: from that situation.
I just cried, uh, but I was so relieved, I was so happy. My mother was a very, uh, complex narcissist, uh, so she did nothing to help or protect or, or prevent any of it. Um, I was a deranged psychopath. And, [00:08:00] uh, that's why, or how I underwent what I did. But he made a great deal of money out of me, as did his mother.
And when you think about it, for both psychopaths and narcissists, you're not actually seen as a person or a beloved child, as you would, Christy, or your amazing followers would. You're seen as an object, and you are there to provide. And if you think about holding a pen in your hand, I was used in that way, just whenever anyone needed me to do anything or be anything, that was me.
I liked it because I was so drugged that I I, you know, I was there off my head and, um, but we, we know the truth and the body never lies. And I remember I was, um, pregnant with my first child. The doctor said, [00:09:00] gosh, you've had quite a few, um, abortions or chosen not to go ahead. And at that stage, I hadn't had the recall and I didn't, I said, no, this is my first child.
But of course, uh, what I hadn't factored in was my grandmother alongside a doctor, if need have performed many abortions on me through my adolescent years. So the horror goes on, but the, I really want people to, to understand the, the story is. That I was able to survive and, and there's a power deep within that, uh, that held me and just keep breathing.
And I did. So again, very grateful and I feel I'm helping people and I feel I just want to do whatever I can to ever have another child experience anything like what I did. [00:10:00] And that's my mission in life. And that's why I'm here.
Kristi: Wow. I know that when we had a chat, cause so, um, Gloria, part of the handing, um, the shame back has a podcast and YouTube channel and I was on the podcast and, um, it's been released shortly.
One of the things that you say is, I hear you. I see you. I believe you. Tell me about that. It's such a profound thing to hear.
Gloria: Well, um, it's actually slightly different, but thank you for remembering that. I see you. I stand beside you. Yes. I believe you. Because as survivors, Christy, We are not always believed.
We are not always seen as being of value. We've already internalized that there must be something terribly wrong with us. So I'm just trying to reframe for survivors with [00:11:00] genuineness, that, uh, you know, I see you there. I know the beautiful soul that you are. And as children, we never had a chance. So, uh, I, I'm here now to give people.
a chance at recovery and standing in their truth. Interestingly, um, I created a t shirt, we've got a graphic designer called Matt over in the UK who very kindly did some design, but he used those words and what we, what we have now is in courts and justice systems all across the world. We have survivors reach out and they, we send them one if they're going into a court situation.
So, with our logo, handing the shame back on the back. Absolutely. Yeah, and they feel so much more powerful because we're standing with them. So
Kristi: I know and the court process is such a horrific [00:12:00] process. It's one of the things that I, if I could change anything in this world, it would be the court process for.
Any kind of sexual abuse, any kind of family abuse or abuse because it is so, , there's so much shame, blame, it's just horrific and, uh, you know, I, anyone who goes through the court process, they are heroes because it is so much easier not to do it.
Gloria: And that's on the court system and that's on, um, police, lawyers.
Uninvolved, because it shouldn't be like that and it's appalling. It
Kristi: is. And I don't think it's different no matter which part of the
Gloria: world you live in. It's terrible. It's absolutely appalling. But there's amazing people like you out there, Christy, who are trying to offer what you can to help [00:13:00] support. And, and I'm so grateful to you for that, because There's so many.
If we look at our stats, for instance, in New Zealand, we know that by the time a girl is 16, one in three will have been sexually abused, and that for a boy, one in five. And the police tell me it's probably even more like one in four. But the point is, where is the noise? deafening silence and, uh, you know, so much of this child sexual abuse leads to PTSD, suicidal thoughts and attempts, prison, addictions.
You pick apart any part. There's a survivor underneath a lot of what happened. So it's actually costing our country millions, if not more than a billion dollars a year. Yeah. But there's no recognition. So my question to you is, I wonder why that is? I,
Kristi: I drive [00:14:00] myself insane questioning some of this stuff.
The thing I, that I think the thing is, is that It's put back onto the individual all the time to be responsible for their own, when it is a collective problem, it's a collective, um, issue, you know, it's societal belief and that unwritten, like, those unspoken about belief systems underneath about how women and children and, and, and in general, the, the way society is, and I think if we can, we This is why I always talk about, you know, challenging inappropriate behaviors and speaking up about when you see something because we need people to step back and think about what they're actually believing and what they, they, because I don't know about you, but, um, you know, I can, I have witnessed things that my own family have done or said, or Um, People I've worked with when I was a police officer or [00:15:00] in general in the society and I've gone, but why, why are you saying that?
Why are you doing that? Like, why do we believe that? You know, if we just all started questioning where these things come from, and we started questioning and pushing back on people's beliefs. Then maybe they would think twice and then they would change their behavior and patterns. I don't know, small things.
You're right. Like why isn't there much more screaming from the rooftops? Like in Australia, we have a campaign. It's all, it's all due to, um, the Royal commissions that we've had into institutionalizing and child sexual abuse. And we've got all of these new studies that have come out in the last 12 months, like amazing studies that have come out and it's all great.
Grand that we've got all of this data, but where's the action from the data? And that's where we're missing action. Action is what's missing in all of this.
Gloria: Well, the good news is you at least have in Australia have, have done the commissions. Our only commission has been into, [00:16:00] uh, you know, like Lake Alice.
Um, but really, you know, we, we've got over 1. 5 million adults wandering around because our population is just over 5 million. So we've got a third of, a third to a quarter of them wandering around who are carrying this shame and this trauma and uh, it's outrageous and um, you know, the interesting thing is, you know, who or how or when or what and my question has become, especially with this um, trying to keep kids safe work, is if not you, then who?
Yeah, yeah,
Kristi: exactly. If not you, then who? And that's for anyone listening, you know, it's interesting because I used to get, I don't know, there's a joke in my family that if I, if anyone's going to speak up, it's me. Like. If anyone's going to say, Hey, that's not right. What are you doing? Why are you doing that?
You [00:17:00] shouldn't do that. That's not appropriate. It's going to be me, but why is it always me or you or the people who, you know, how about we all speak up? I know back when I was growing up, if we saw a child. You know, doing the wrong thing, like throwing a rock or something like that, where they weren't meant to, you know, parents used to speak up and say, Hey, don't do that.
Right now. We seem to be, you know, we shut, we've shut down. We're very inshallah. We don't talk about it's, it's kind of gone in some ways where, you know, rising the voices of survivors up and victims up and we're talking about it and, and, you know, we believe them or starting to believe them. Whereas, but
Gloria: we're still not talking.
Look, I, I really hope that changes. You know, we have, we have, um, a lot of road traffic or car accidents here in New Zealand as well. Do you know the campaigns that are around? They're on billboards. They're across media. Advertising is put [00:18:00] into them. You know, billion dollar campaigns on this. And yet, the difference or the disparity between the number.
of children that are killed in a car accident or maimed is insignificant compared to child sexual abuse.
Kristi: Yeah, it's a hundred percent. And if, if, if people, we're in the, because we work in this, in this industry or whatever you want to call it in this space, we, we talk and speak and hear the statistics all the time.
We know the statistics inside out, back to front. The average person doesn't know that. So while, you know, one of the ways to prevent it is to educate people and the statistics are very similar in Australia, one in three and one in five, and, , you know, some, some of the statistics people don't understand , it's 47 percent is familial, like a family [00:19:00] member that is, um, You know, father, grandfather, stepdad, you know, uncle, aunt, whatever.
And then 45 percent of all child sexual abuse is by, uh, another child in Australia. And it's increasing. So, you know, we can't, we can't sit back and let this continue like this.
Gloria: Well, it's interesting because when I co hosted the Australian, um, you know, global work on, uh, sibling sexual abuse, we, we noticed that actually it's, it's more prevalent.
Sibling sexual abuse seems to be more prevalent than any other type of sexual abuse. And we know there are eight different types of sexual abuse. Um, and one of the things I'm really proud of, am I able to show you this week? Yep. Yeah. Is this book here. Keep it safe. Yeah. Yeah. It's a road map for, and I know you've, you've done similar work, um, Chrissy, but, [00:20:00] but what I've done in here is break it down into easy to read, easy to understand chapters and modules for parents and teachers with at the end of each one, a checklist so that they don't have to try and remember what they read.
It's all there for them at the back of each chapter, but things like. Types of sexual abuse. Yeah. Things like the, the type of pedophiles people think there's one main group. No, there's not. There's three. Um, you know, there's just so much, uh, also what to do when a child explode, um, sorry, what to do when Exploses, not explodes, explode, um, what should, what a parent, what should a parent look out for?
Tools and tips for children and that's why I released this hand signal for children in June last year on our Global Awareness Day. Why? Because we've got to give kids something to use. Children don't speak. [00:21:00] Children show us through their behavior what is going on.
Kristi: Yeah, I talk about that as well. It's that only children who feel safe are going to speak up and, and the notorious nature of sexual abuse.
Is that they won't feel safe.
Gloria: Well, they don't. Because as children, they've been conditioned. And what have we always conditioned children to do? Have respect for the adults around you. Do what they say.
Kristi: And if it is a, and as we were just discussing, and if it is someone who is a parent or a family member or, or whatever, or, or if it's a sibling.
Then there's likely to be some threats, some shame, some blame, that, you know, the, the old, no one's going to believe you, they're going to take you away, police are going to, you know, arrest you, all of the things that abusers use to be able to abuse. So, you know, we need to [00:22:00] remember that it, like you said, it's not always verbal, it's not going to be a verbal disclosure, it can be multiple
Gloria: ways.
A hundred percent, like, Christy, when I was at school, you know, for all of my schooling, I was the out of control kid. I was attention seeking, I was loud, I was always in trouble, I was stealing, I was lying, I was, look at me, look at me. No one ever asked, what's wrong? Or what's
Kristi: happening?
Gloria: Do you think you would have told them?
I think what would have happened is, if I think about it, I think I possibly may have indicated something. Um, but the reality is, no one ever asked, but equally, um, what I was screaming out was, I'm in trouble, help me. Yes. And often as [00:23:00] teachers, parents or, or safe adults, we see a child out of control and what do we decide?
Oh, it's that bloody Gloria again. Yeah, we
Kristi: dismiss
Gloria: it. We, and we, I don't think we've got the luxury anymore. So that's just one type of behavior. Another type of behavior shown when a child is being abused is, is extreme withdrawal. They're the ones that do not speak. Or very, very rarely they withdraw into who they are.
And, you know, any change in behavior, that's quite a change for your child. Hello, there could be a sign. I'm not saying it's always child sexual abuse, it could be anything. But until we start to read the behavior and turn this off, We're not going to actually notice. We're not going to see what they're, we're not picking up what they're putting down.
Kristi: Yeah, and children don't always use, like I said, it's not always verbal and, and in order for us to listen to non verbal [00:24:00] stuff, we have to stop speaking and we have to start
Gloria: watching, observing. 100%. It saves some kids, eh? So, what would
Kristi: you suggest for a survivor, victim survivor listening today? What was your Well, first of all, I've got two parts to this
Gloria: question.
Kristi: What did you do to help your healing process and what do you suggest for anyone out there who might be needing to heal from something that
Gloria: happened? Yeah, what started my healing, I think, really was the first time I told someone who actually chose to believe me and support me. And I think it takes the courage of a lion to do this.
And when we finally find the words to actually have someone that will stand with us in solidarity, we don't need [00:25:00] advice. We don't need lots of words. We just need to be told. You know, I hear you and, and I believe you. And I think, uh, that was a powerful start to my healing, but it took a lot of years cause I didn't, I'm not trying to measure or compare, but I had a lot of years of trauma to work through.
It wasn't just sexual, it was physical, horrendous physical, and also there was psychological torture as well. Yeah. So, you know, I think for anyone that's struggling with sharing their truth, first of all practice by writing it out. Write it out on a bit of paper, what you want to say, then work out who you would like to start sharing it with.
If you've got that ride or die friend, choose them, they've [00:26:00] always had your back, they're going to be with you. Yeah. Then just say the words, uh, because the weight that is lifted is likened to a concrete block off your back. The relief you feel. When nothing terrible happens because their conditioning, we are right back in the child state when we expose this, we're taken right back.
So we're traumatized already. And the weight that is lifted in the relief that is felt. Almost can't be compared to, it's cyclonic, the impact.
Kristi: Yeah, so your advice would be to write it
Gloria: out. Prepare it first. Prepare it first. Choose wisely.
Kristi: Choose wisely, yeah. I think that's the best advice you could give because if you trust the wrong, if you tell it to the wrong person and, you know, it's not always, They, they might not take it the right way, they might not, [00:27:00] uh, and it can do, it can re traumatize you, so be very mindful of who you're trusting with that
Gloria: information.
Well, you're so right. Thanks for that, Christy, because I think what happened with me is I first started telling, uh, my family. Because I, I repressed it as survivors do for years until my mind felt safe enough to deal with it and manage it. And so when it came back, it came back as a nightmare of all proportions.
And so I first went to my mother who responded with this. You have no right to tell your brothers and sisters what happened. Okay. Thank you. So what does that tell you? But I was so traumatized. I didn't, but that's a type of damage. You're right, the re traumatizing. The fear, everything just came rushing back.
And it wasn't till I found a good friend who would believe me, but even then I could only [00:28:00] whisper the words. Yeah. So, I don't think people realize we liken it to abseiling off the top of a tall cliff with no gear. It's the courage it takes.
Kristi: Yeah, it's very, and especially when you're not sure how the other party or the people listening or the people you're telling how they're going to react.
And probably one of the things that has actually I wouldn't, the word I was about to say was haunt me, but one of the things that stuck with me from all of the people I spoke to, all of the victims and survivors I spoke to over the years is that sometimes the reaction of the person I told Is more traumatizing than the abuse themselves, because if the person they told, um, hasn't been respectful or listened or believed or validated them, and if they've shamed and blamed them or they've done whatever, it's been extremely stressful, and it puts back the healing [00:29:00] process.
Of course.
Gloria: Yeah. Of course. It's, it's really big stuff. And, uh. Take It can take a long time to recover actually. And, uh, I think, you know, full credit to, to your beautiful followers who may be survivors because I know, I know how hard that is. And Christie, you, you know too, so yeah.
Kristi: So you've had a very interesting life, the fact that you've been a teacher, you've, you know, have all of this psychology background, you've all, all of this stuff, and now you're here, the, the head of a foundation for this.
Now, do you find that that can be quite, you know, I know from personally, from personal experience, even though that, um, you know, I have PTSD and sometimes it gets heavy. It's a heavy weight because we want to help everyone and I think survivors can understand and people who have been through this can understand how when you've been through [00:30:00] this you don't want anyone else to actually go through it and you will do anything to help anyone.
Um, it can be very heavy. Do you find that, I mean, your story and what's happened to you and there's no, uh, comparison in stories. It doesn't matter if it's happened once or a thousand times, it's still child sexual abuse, it still leaves its trauma. Trauma in itself, and I've said this before, the body doesn't differentiate between the trauma of one or the trauma of a thousand.
It is trauma to the body. The body sells everything. Like you said at the start, um, you know, the body remembers, like the body keeps score. Um, do you find that it's, how do you, with everything that you know and everything that you've done, how do you now support yourself and what can you recommend for anyone
Gloria: listening?
I think balance. I think what survivors, uh, do and what I certainly did [00:31:00] was push myself too hard, prove myself too much, uh, work too hard, uh, be all things to all people and it's not actually healthy. So this year is a new beginning, Christy. Me too. And yeah, I've decided to just take time. I set my timer now.
I'll do two hours hard out. Then I'm going to go and have a break for half an hour, or it might be an hour because I'm not a machine and I think it's, it's a, a consequence actually of the trauma was if I keep really busy, I don't have to think, so I don't want to do that anymore because it's not good for me and why rush?
You know, it doesn't serve me, and I'm actually better when I'm more relaxed. So, um, I just did a blog this morning on being believed, and that's big for us as survivors. It was kind of refers [00:32:00] back to what we're talking about. So, you know, every month on the channel, a blog will go up, but. But the point being, once I'd done that, I then, um, had a swim at the beach.
Lovely. You know, and if I don't give to myself, I can't give to others. So in answer to your, the second part of your question, survivors out there, if you find you're pushing yourself too hard, pull it back in and honor who you are. And if you find that really hard to do, all I'd ask you to do is replace Who you think you're dealing with with your best friend and what would your words be to them?
Oh, I
Kristi: know that's a hard one for me personally. Like when, uh, someone says to me, well, would you say that to your daughter? Or would you say that to your best friend? You know, when I'm like pushing through and, and keep going. And I'm like, No, it's like being pulled out big time when you say that, um, [00:33:00] one of the things that I heard last year, very end of the year, someone said, sometimes you don't know you're burning out until you're on fire.
And I think as, that's quite a true representation of what we do to ourselves, because we don't believe, well personally, I don't believe, sometimes that monkey brain, the one that says that you're not good enough, worthy enough, you don't deserve this, is the one pushing, saying you need to keep going, you need to keep going.
Whereas we need to slow down and remember that we can't give if we don't give to ourselves.
Gloria: Yes, but I, I don't agree with that unless you don't ever listen to your body. So for instance, if you're feeling, starting to feel burnt out or stressed, you'll know it because your heart's racing. You'll feel it in your body first, or you'll find your shoulders are up around your ears, or you'll find that you struggle to sit still.
There's, hello, you're being shoulder tapped. If you ignore that. [00:34:00] You're going to notice that suddenly can't sleep anymore at night. You've been woken up all the time, or that you're overeating, or that you just, you've lost your appetite. Hello, you're now being shoved. If you keep ignoring that, you're going to reach a place where you don't actually want to get out of bed in the morning.
Hello, here's your reality. So I don't buy that. I think if we start to look at our body responses and listen to what it's showing us, Do you know what I think underlies all of this, Christie, and I've just started to do a bit more thinking about this, is we're so busy doing, we never get to be.
Kristi: Our society's set up that way, but as survivors as well, I think it's really easy to keep busy so that you don't have to think, and you're right about that, and to sit with it because it's really. It's really scary, uncomfortable, um, and, you know, when you're in it, it can feel [00:35:00] like, well, I know that when I was going through, like, the worst part of my PTSD, especially, I felt like I, I couldn't breathe.
I felt like I was going to, like, You know, I just wanted to not wake up some days and, you know, and I can only imagine in some situations that would, that feels like the only saving grace for me was I always had in the back of my mind, this will end. It, it does get better eventually, like I just have to see, I just have to get through it.
Gloria: A hundred percent, but here's a little thing that might help you have, that might help others not having to get to that place eventually, which is every time you start to feel that sense of overwhelm or that panic, it's just breathing in for five, holding for five, releasing for five. And if you do that 3 times, [00:36:00] even 3 times throughout the day, your central nervous system can't help but calm down.
Because it can't hold panic and calm at the same time. It's impossible.
Kristi: Believe
Gloria: it or not. So, I am only sharing that because it's something I've had to start doing. But, yeah.
Kristi: Yeah, I think, um, you know, and usually, well, from my experience, I only seek help when I'm in, uh, crisis. Yeah. It's only when I think I'm dying and I'm, and the world's going to end that I think, oh, I better go talk to someone.
So, I guess for me, um, when I've spoken and I have regular contact with someone, a healthcare professional or a supporter or a mentor or whatever, it's how I've been able to maintain and be in a much better, nice, lower. you know, less stressed mode versus if I don't and then I get into crisis mode because I push, push, push.[00:37:00]
One of the things I did want to mention from what you said was, or what you said and what it brought, brought a question up for me is a lot of us, or a lot of people who have grown up with abuse in their childhood. Um, and there, and one thing that I have noticed is that our, like if we were to think about, you know, not very stressed, you know, I think about it in colors.
Green is being nice and calm and relaxed. Yellow is sort of like, heightened heart rate, bit of anxiety, low level anxiety. And then red is like crisis mode where the world's ending, right? We tend to stick in the middle. We're not happy if we're in the green because it feels like, what the hell am I doing with my life?
And it feels boring because we're used to being in that really stressed state. What do you think about that? Is that something
Gloria: you've seen? Yeah, I, I guess for me, um, what I've learned is that health is wealth [00:38:00] and that heightened kind of trauma response, which is well known to us as survivors, um, becomes, it gets the whole adrenal system going.
And so what I've learned is I'm actually more effective if I, if I sit more in. The, the green to yellow. Now, am I always successful? No, but I've learned through doing breathing and as I said, giving myself a break or just, uh, watching something in nature. I can't stay in, in the yellow to read. I have to calm down.
And what we know is the work we do on the inside is seven times more powerful than any of our scurrying around. On the internet, doing our stuff. So, breathing in deeply and just bringing in that, that higher part of ourselves, which is the, which is our wisdom. And [00:39:00] listening to that, because you'll know it Christy, we're always being told something.
It's just, I think it's time for us to be able to be in the being state enough to listen and notice the signs. It's
Kristi: I, I definitely agree with you. And when I'm in a much more relaxed state, I'm in much like personally, it feels better and it, I'm easier to be around and my family liked me a lot. But one of the things that I do know from my work and my experience is that, uh, it's, you know, when we talk about early warning signs, you know, that those gut feelings, that intuition that tells you something's not right with the person or a situation when you haven't grown up in a safe place.
Those early warning signs, we've learned to, uh, ignore them basically, or they've been forced to be ignored. So it's really hard to get back into your body. It's really important to be in your body, but it's really hard to do that once you get out of a situation and you're healing. So I think for, personally, [00:40:00] for anyone listening, it's really important to do whatever work required to be able to do that.
Gloria: And I've got a, I've got an amazing grounding technique, which will help anyone and everyone. So it's simply this. Anytime during the day where you're standing outside. Just close your eyes and ask yourself, what can I hear? And it may be that you can hear the sound of the fan, or you can hear the sound of the neighbors, or you can hear Glory Master's voice.
It's Christie's closing her eyes. The next question is, what can I feel? It might be that you feel a slight breeze. It might be that you feel your shoes on your feet. It might be that you feel the phone in your hand. And the final part is What can I see? And so as you open your eyes, you might see a tree or you might see a butterfly or, or you might see someone crossing the road or you might see a car.[00:41:00]
But the point is, again, these simple, um, Exercises help bring us from doing to being, which is where we can become more effective. I don't want to put you to sleep. No, no,
Kristi: it's great. I actually was closing my eyes for a second and going, yeah, like that feels so good to just slow down and think like, and to be in those three things, you know, um, I think that's, that's really good advice.
And the beautiful thing is, is. What we can do versus what we've been told we can do. We have so much more power than we realize if we believe in it. If we let ourselves believe in it. Even if you don't believe in it, borrow someone else's belief in you for a bit. Because eventually it will come back to
Gloria: you.
And you know, the thing is, Christy, and you will have seen it with the amazing work that you do and what you've emerged through to evolve and become, is that it wasn't [00:42:00] available to you as a survivor. of this trauma to see who you are. But everyone else did. Yeah. So the gift is we can now start to see who we are.
And I, I don't mean ego. I don't mean you have to tell the world how fabulous you are, but just acknowledging the gift that you are. And for amazing survivors everywhere, the amazing gift you are, you now have the opportunity to become, uh, the person you were always meant to be. Uh, so, you know, Oh, your
Kristi: voice is so amazing, Gloria.
Everyone listening to this, how amazing is Gloria's voice? And you really should go listen to some of her podcasts because, um, you know, she just sounds like a big warm hug, Gloria.
Gloria: Oh, oh, I'm just, I'm very grateful to have made it through. And Kristy, just to be really clear, do I get it right? No! Hell no!
I'm always fighting myself with this [00:43:00] stuff. Um, I guess I'm just learning as I get older. If I don't start to recognize and come back in and ground myself, I can't give what I need to, uh, to the world and, and I'm here to help try and change it, so. You're
Kristi: amazing. And I know that you're, you're going to blitz this question because you've written a whole book for parents and teachers.
But, uh, when I was writing my book and people who have listened to the podcast last year will remember this question. So I kept thinking if people or parents knew what I knew, they would do things differently. And that was from my experience from the police because I just couldn't understand why people didn't know what I knew, but we know that that's not the case.
So what do you want anyone listening to this podcast to walk away with? What, what one piece of advice do you think they need to know?
Gloria: Always trust your [00:44:00] instinct. I think as parents. You are told so many things by so many people, and I want you to turn that off. Trust what you get. You are the expert on your child. You know your child best. You are the subject matter expert. Trust that. What they are showing you, Is, uh, really, really valuable, so that's my final.
Kristi: Yeah, and, and don't be, I would add to that, don't be afraid to stick up for yourself and your, you know, you don't have to put yourself into a situation where you don't feel comfortable to appease or please someone else, even a family member.
Gloria: 100%, you trust your instincts, you know your child, and you know yourself.
Too often, Christy, I don't know about you, but I've done this to my greatest regret. I haven't always trusted my instinct, bad, big mistake. [00:45:00] And I will never, ever, willingly do that again. Yeah, I trust we are connected to those babies of ours trust and even it may not even be your child. It may be your next door neighbor, but something's off and you're on high alert.
Yeah, because you recognize something, something's off.
Kristi: Yeah, and I would say like. The people that I know that have, you know, had that have listened to their intuition to their gut and they've, and they've paid attention. They're the ones who've made such difference in young people's lives in someone's life.
Just pay attention to it. Thank you so much, Gloria. Where can people find you and handing the shame back? What avenues? I've already mentioned a couple, but you go through where they can find
Gloria: you. So if you go to Gloria masters. com, there's a lot of content. there and there's books and there's coaching and [00:46:00] there's opportunities for public speaking there.
If you are mainly survivor focused, go to handingtheshameback. org and it's free to join up and sign up and you get a whole lot of content and you get to hear that voice.
Kristi: And you get, and you get, and you get someone standing beside you and you're, and you're
Gloria: not alone. You're not alone, baby. And also, yeah, and also I guess the YouTube channel Hen in the Shane Bec.
So we're on social media, Hen in the Shane Bec.
Kristi: Oh, thank you so much, Gloria. Maybe I'll get you back to talk about the sibling sexual abuse side of it eventually. I haven't had anyone to come and talk about that yet. I definitely need to touch on that. Next
Gloria: time. Yeah. I think so. Anytime. Hey, but lots of love.
Thank you so much for hosting me. You're welcome. My beautiful ones. Lovely to have met you. Thank you.
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Cate [00:47:00] podcast, Cape standing for child abuse, prevention and education. Please say the show notes for any followup information or links to our guests. Should you wish to follow their journeys? Should any part of the show cause distress, please seek support and help through the services in the show notes. And as we discussed in this episode, parental and carers awareness and education. It's just one of the ways we can prevent child sexual abuse and harm. For any further preventative resources, please check out our website at www dot Cape dash. Are you.com or any of my socials at Kristy?
Kristi: Meet V.
Alternatively, you can also contact me through email at admin at Cape. Dash R u.com. But once again, thank you for your help in fighting child sexual abuse. Your children will thank you for it.
