What to do if your child sees porn (especially before they know what it is)

It happens more often than parents realise: your child accidentally stumbles across pornography online, or a friend shows them a video they’re not ready for.

If your child has seen porn -  whether they’re 7, 10 or 14 - you’re probably asking: What do I say? How do I explain this without making it worse?

The good news: you can handle this calmly and protectively. The biggest mistake is ignoring it or reacting with anger. Silence and shame only make things worse.

Here’s how to respond in a way that protects your child, builds trust, and teaches them the truth about porn.

1. Stay Calm

When a child sees pornography, the worst thing you can do is panic. If you react with anger or shame, your child will feel unsafe talking to you about things they see online.

Remember: the porn isn’t the real danger here - a lack of education, silence and shame are.

2. Reassure Them They’re Not in Trouble

Say something simple like:

“Thanks for telling me. You’re not in trouble. Sometimes kids see things online that are meant for adults. It’s not your fault.”

This keeps the conversation safe. Your child learns they can come to you with anything - no blaming, fear or shame.

3. Explain the Difference Between Porn and Real Life

Seven-year-olds don’t need a lecture about pornography. They just need clarity: porn is fake, and it’s not how real relationships work.

You can say:

“Those videos aren’t real life. They don’t show healthy relationships or what love and respect look like. They’re made for adults and can give confusing ideas.”

This simple truth helps protect them from misinformation.

4. Bring It Back to Safety and Respect

Use this moment to reinforce body safety and healthy relationships:

• Love and relationships are about respect and kindness.

• No one should ever show kids sexual pictures or videos.

• If something feels unsafe or confusing, they can always tell you.

This turns an uncomfortable moment into a safety lesson.

5. Find Out How They Saw It

Did they stumble across porn online? Did it pop up on a search? Did another child show them?

Knowing how it happened helps you protect them in the future. You can adjust parental controls, check devices, and set up safer online habits.

6. Keep the Conversation Open

End with reassurance:

“If you ever see something online that confuses or worries you, you can always come to me. You won’t be in trouble.”

This builds trust so your child comes to you before problems escalate.

Final Thoughts: Talking to Kids About Pornography

You can’t control everything your child sees online. What you can control is how safe they feel coming to you when it happens.

If your child sees porn, don’t ignore it and don’t shame them. Instead, stay calm, tell the truth in simple terms and use it as a chance to teach about respect, safety, and healthy relationships.

This isn’t a one-time conversation. It’s the start of an ongoing dialogue that will protect your child for years to come.

💬 Keep the Conversation Going

Talking about porn, online safety, and body safety doesn’t have to feel awkward and you don’t have to figure it out on your own.

👉 Start with my Conversations with Kids Online Safety Guide ($17). It gives you simple scripts, age-appropriate conversation starters, and practical tips for both primary and high school kids. Grab it here.

And when you’re ready for ongoing support, resources, and a safe community of parents who’ve got your back - join the KidSafe Collective. For less than $1 a day, you’ll get monthly resources, expert Q&As and the confidence to protect your kids for life. Find out more here.